COURAGE TO HOPE
When I was thirty-five, I sustained a rare type of stroke
It was massive and destructive; it was no joke
I was happy and in extremely good health
Until one day, catastrophe struck, attacking with great stealth.
Locked-in syndrome was my diagnosis for the first five weeks
Totally paralyzed and near death, it was no time to be meek
I kept thinking about my future, my dreams, my life, my plans
I garnered strength from my hopes, courage to make a stand.
I went into Rusk for four months of rehab
My husband Rick traveled to see me by cab
He was there every weekend and every single night
We stuck together to escape this plight.
I left Rusk walking with assistance on a cane
Muscles were weak, but paralysis was no longer my bane
I had to have therapy at home to gain strength
Walked with my PT down our hall, often the entire length.
I worked like a dog, look at each day as a beginning
I was moving ahead; I thought I was winning
I had such perseverance; the goal was in sight
But something was coming and what came wasn’t right.
I didn’t expect it; where’d it come from?
It boggled my mind and made it turn numb
I’d never heard of it and didn’t want to know
They called it spasticity, and it put on quite a show.
It snuck up on me and stripped away my gains
It screwed up my muscles and left me in pain
It made my body stiff; I turned into a board
It stole my regained mobility; I was simply floored.
Suddenly, I was no longer in a recovery period
My substantial functional losses were myriad
My physical deterioration was all too clear and evident
Therapists worked hard to keep the damage less permanent.
But the spasticity took over as I tried to combat it
I fought and I fought but I really took a hit
It attacked my gluts and diaphragm and Achilles
My hip flexors and biceps and gave me the willies.
I had fought the respirator and the gastric peg
I had fought the trach and the paralysis in my legs
I had fought to speak to walk to drink to eat
I believed there was no challenge I could not meet.
But then the spasticity came, and I had met my match
Every day, it takes all the strength I can garner and catch
To meet the spasticity head-on and adapt and cope
It’s the roughest road, but I still have the courage to hope.
Having the courage to hope keeps me strong
Having the courage to hope never steers me wrong
Having the courage to hope keeps me engaged in life
Having the courage to hope never lets me succumb to strife.
Spasticity can beat you down, it’s true
It can suck the life out and get the best of you, too
But Spasticity can’t swipe your courage to hope
Not if you don’t let it, no way, no how, nope.
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